Cruising 101 & Childhood Trauma

DISCLAIMER: Please be advised that this episode contains discussions of sexual abuse and molestation.Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know need support, please refer to the resources listed in the show notes. 

On this week's episode, I will discuss cruising 101, offer a travel tip and share some more about myself. At 15:39 is when the trauma topic starts so feel free to stop at this point if it is uncomfortable to you.

Website: https://rainn.org/resources 

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 someone is available 24/7 to help

Disclaimer: Names of persons mentioned in this story are fictional and any resemblance to actual names or persons is purely coincidental. 

Email: lamkintravel@gmail.com

https://lamkintravel.cruisebrothers.com/cb/

Transcript

0:02

Hi everyone and welcome back to Travel Time Stories. If this is your first time tuning in, I invite you to go back and check out my previous episodes. On this week's episode, I will discuss cruising 1 0 1, offer a travel tip and share some more about myself. Please be advised that this episode contains discussions of sexual abuse and molestation. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know need support, please refer to the resources listed in the show notes. I am your host Shannon from Texas, and thank you for tuning in. So grab your favorite beverage and let's get into it Frequently, I am asked why cruising? What do you love about it? I've heard many say, I think I would get bored on a cruise. I would be claustrophobic in that tiny cabin. I don't like to gamble. There are too many people on one ship. I don't like kids. Being at sea for a few days straight seems dull. The cost seems like a lot for only seven days. I have disabilities or medical conditions and being in a port for only a few hours, how do you actually have time to do or see anything? These are all great questions and concerns, so I wanna take some time to address them before we get into today's stories. What I love most about cruising is getting to see many different places on one trip. This gives you a chance to experience a place and decide if you like it, and then you can return for a longer stay. Normally, on a seven day cruise, you have three ports of call and eight hours in each port. I also enjoy the fact that you're pampered the whole time and you could truly relax and de-stress. And eight hours in a port is plenty of time to see and do many things before you have to return to the ship. There are different lengths of cruises to choose from, starting from three days all the way up to a whole year. You also have different itineraries to choose from, such as Alaska, Hawaii, the Caribbean. There's the Eastern, Western, and southern parts of the Caribbean, the Mediterranean, Europe, and the list goes on. The cost of cruising is usually cheaper than planning a land trip due to everything that is included in your cruise price. The average price per person per day is 80 to$200, depending on the cabin, the type of year, the cruise line, and the itinerary. You are hard pressed to find a land vacation that will include your hotel, food, entertainment, and transportation for that rate per day. The cruise lines offer great deals throughout the year with the best deals happening during wave season, which is November through March, and they also offer payment plans. There are many different cruise lines to choose from each with their own pros and cons. So it depends on what you're wanting from your vacation to match to the right one. There are also different size ships, starting with the small ones all the way to the big mega ships, which hold many thousands. If you prefer no kids, then try out virgin voyages where the minimum age is 18. No kids allowed. Even if you sail on a cruise with kids, each ship has an adults only area, so you can escape. Also certain times of year have less kids than others, and there are some lines more geared for mature passengers. There are also differences between the ocean cruises and the river cruises. To name a few ocean cruise lines. There are Carnival, MSC, Royal Caribbean, Holland America. Princess, Disney, Virgin Voyages, Celebrity, Norwegian, Cunard, Azamara, Margaritaville at Sea, Regent seven, and Hurtigruten. And those are just a few. There are many more. There are also river cruise ships, and those are AmA waterways. Viking, Avalon, American, and Tauck. Those are just a few. There are still many more river cruise lines as well. If you're interested in doing a river cruise to see the Christmas markets, those book out a year in advance. Most cruise lines can accommodate anyone with disabilities, medical conditions and dietary restrictions. Your travel advisor can help you with these requests and recommendations. There are also specialized groups for cruising such as dialysis at sea, if you're on hemodialysis and autism on the seas, just to name a couple. If you need medical equipment while you cruise, such as walkers, scooters, wheelchairs, breathing machines, et cetera. I'm a certified advisor with special needs at sea, and we can provide rentals for these items. There are different cabins on the ships inside with no window outside with a window balcony and suites. I mostly sail in the inside cabins as I love that they're very dark at night, which helps me sleep, and they're usually the cheapest. I don't spend a lot of time in my cabin, so for me, I prefer to save the money to use for excursions or specialty dining on board versus the cabin. Each of these cabin categories are also broken down further by location on the ship with different locations, having different pricing. I always say, I don't see how you could get bored on a ship as there is so much to do. Daily ships nowadays are just like floating cities with all the amenities that are offered. Ships now have bumper cars. Go-karts, rollercoasters, zip lines, ropes courses, a flow rider, skydiving simulators, and ice skating. Just to name a few things, which are an extra charge. Are your drink packages, shore excursions, games such as bingo or deal or no deal specialty dining, some rides. Arcade, the casino, the spa, shopping, glass blowing, cooking classes. But what you get included with your cruise price is your cabin, food. Shows like the comedy shows, there's theater shows, music shows, pools, the hot tubs, water slides, the sports court, putt putt, golf, the gym, not including classes, but the gym in general. Theme parties, trivia, room service, basic drinks, ice cream, dive-in movies, karaoke, the clubs and informational classes. My travel tip for today, be open to new experiences when you travel. Get out of your comfort zone and try something you always wanted to, but maybe were too scared or never had the opportunity till now. My friend Kristen, tried snorkeling on her first cruises. She didn't swim and was really scared, but went for it and now has a great fun memory to share. I tried zip lining and overcame my fear, which led me to see that it is now one of my favorite things to do when I travel. My sister Ann tried the rollercoaster, which terrified her, and she won't be doing that again. But it created a fun memory and she always tries new foods and has discovered things she likes, but never thought she would. So again, be open to new experiences. Now let's get on to my story. When someone hears that I was adopted, they want to know if it makes me sad or upset. The answer is always no. I was so lucky with the family I got. Having a stay at home mom was wonderful when I was little. Mama packed my lunches, attended all my school events, volunteered with the PTA, she was my homeroom mother, baked delicious treats for all my classes and made most of all of my clothes. She was a wonderful singer and the house would be filled with her listening to country music and singing along to Patsy, Loretta and Dolly. She told me the story one time of how she had the opportunity to go to Nashville but wanted to be a mother instead. She encouraged me with my writing and singing. I was spoiled and not afraid to admit it, but being spoiled didn't cause me to act high and mighty like some people do. Mama would hold me in her lap as she watched her soap operas each day. All my children, one Life to Live and General Hospital. My sister Jill, was always like a second mom to me throughout my life. She was a beautiful woman with long, dark hair down to her butt, like Crystal Gale on her lunch break from work. She would drive home to hold and feed me when I was little. We had a close relationship until after mama passed in 2007. We lived in a middle class suburb of Houston. I attended public school, but my elementary school was in the adjacent neighborhood, which made it different from the city schools. It gave a more private school vibe. All the kids who attended lived in that neighborhood or the adjacent one. Most of the kids started in the same kindergarten class together and moved up each year to a new teacher, but kept the same classmates, which made us seem like family. It was a great experience for those who attended Royal Wood. I am sure you would agree. I remember every teacher I had during those times and everyone who attended Royal Wood. Our family was always a very close one. We spent every holiday together with so many. It was lots of food and fun. There were 10 grandchildren and nine great-grandchildren, plus my siblings and their spouses. Our family was not without its drama and issues, but I never doubted our bond and love we had for each other. I never thought that would change, but death can impact you in ways that you don't realize, and every person reacts and grieves in different ways. The death of Mama tore our family apart, and I realized that she had been the glue that had held us together over the years. Growing up, my best friend was Peewee and he lived in the house across the street. His aunt and my sister Dawna were good friends. He was basically the boy next door. We were only two months apart and grew up together. We were like twins and spent all of our time together when we were young, sleepovers at each other's houses till we were too big for that playing together and family trips. All my childhood photos include him. He knew all my secrets and was my protector. When I was picked on by other boys, I was always a chunky girl. So this happened throughout my childhood. He played little League football and I was a cheerleader for his team. We celebrated every birthday together. My love for him was unconditional and was the standard by which I compared others later in life. I never told him, but I always thought we would end up together and so did my mama. I often wonder if I had not been forced to move away during middle school, would our paths have gone differently? We missed out on so much of each other's lives. I returned to Houston after he graduated and got to say goodbye to him just before he left to join the Army. I am so very proud of the man he has become and the beautiful family he now has. Maybe someday I can meet them. During elementary school, I was so lucky to have many friends and cherish each one of them. Some are friends with me on Facebook. I did have two special friends, Kelli and Brandi. Kelli lived just a few houses down from me and I thought she was so lucky because she had a swimming pool, these adorable chow dogs and ferrets. Her mom was younger than mine and I thought she was so cool. My other friend Brandi, lived in the neighborhood across from mine, and she was lucky to have a younger sister. Her sweet grandmother lived just one street over from me and we would spend time there and at Brandi's home. Her mother was the gorgeous woman I had ever saw, and I wished I could look like her. Kelli and Brandi were very popular with the boys when we got to that age and I envied them. Life for them always seemed easy, but they never treated me differently. They both meant so much to me and I treasure the friendship we had over those years. It hurt me deeply when I lost touch with them due to me moving away. That scar never healed. Life at home was good, but there were some things that happened to me during the elementary years that caused trauma. Family and friends were aware of a few things, but then there was the secret only mama knew, and I swore never to tell. I've never spoken publicly about this till now. I finally wanna share my story and release the shame and darkness from my body so that I can completely heal as a child. I suffered from bladder issues and had to have surgeries. I had no control and would have accidents with wetting during the day and at night. I had to keep changes of clothes at school because I would have accidents, as you know, kids can be cruel, and my case was no different. My medical problem did not change until I was in middle school. It caused a lot of shame and bullying. Along with my medical problem, I was also overweight, which gave bullies more ammunition. It wasn't just kids at school, but I would also get called hurtful things by family members. Looking back, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt that they didn't mean what they were saying in a hurtful way, but it hurt my self-esteem greatly. Hearing things like, you're not fat, you're big boned. Or being bigger just means you have more to love. These are negative connotations, even if you're trying to mean it positively. During this time in school, I never got asked by any of the boys to be their girlfriend. I wasn't invited to any of the dances, and I was laughed at by the boys whom I told I liked. I was also terrorized by my nephew Tony, who lived with us. His bedroom was across the hall from mine, and he would sneak in at night and scare me by wearing mask or pulling pranks. One mask was the scariest of them all, and he called it Mrs. Rudolph. I hated bedtime and would lay there waiting filled with anxiety. This caused me to fear the dark, so I had to sleep with a nightlight till I became an adult. It caused night terrors and sleepwalking. He never got in trouble for this because he always told mama I was lying. Tony was always favored by Mama because of an accident that happened to him as a child, and mama felt so much guilt over it, even though it wasn't her fault. He had mama all to himself until I came along. So I think for him it was a jealousy thing. Let's talk about a hard subject, sexual abuse or molestation. Warning, this contains graphic material that may not be suitable for everyone. I will try to get through this without crying, but no promises. Molestation is the crime of engaging in sexual acts with a minor, including touching a private parts, exposure of genitalia, taking pictures, rape, and applies to incest by a relative with a minor family member, and any sexual acts. One out of four girls will experience sexual abuse and three quarters of the cases that are reported. The perpetrator is a family member. I am talking about this, to bring awareness, to show others to not be ashamed, to speak out, and to show survivors that you can move past it and have a life because it doesn't define you. As a child, especially during the eighties, it was drummed into us about stranger danger. We spent our days outside playing and only went home when the streetlights came on. No one ever warned us of danger from family members as they do now. My mama being older also never discussed the topic of sex or birth control. The only thing she ever told me was when I was older that sex was disgusting and a wifely duty that must be performed when you're married in our home. Sex was taboo and not to be discussed. This is why when I became a mom, I vowed to always be open. Direct and honest with my kids regarding sex. I never wanted them to feel that they had to hide, and I wanted them to know they could ask me anything without fear or judgment. At school, we had the sex ed class. They separated the boys and girls and talk to us about body changes and periods. The girls got some informational sheets and sample pads and tampons. During that time, they didn't discuss the act of sex or birth control. When I was in fourth grade, I was inappropriately touched by a family member who didn't live with us. This occurred frequently when I went to their home. It lasted for a couple of years. They would tell me how beautiful I was and that I was special as they were touching me. It started with clothes on, then later would change to no clothes or under my clothes. They would also make me touch myself as they watched and fondled themselves. I knew it was wrong. I suffered from low self-esteem due to the bullying and teasing I had endured over my weight. And the bladder issues, both in school and from a few family members. So this made me vulnerable and is how something cruel was allowed to happen. When I heard the accolades from the perpetrator, it made what was happening seem less wrong and even wanted, I would realize when I was older, just how much damage this caused my self worth. When I finally got brave enough to tell my mama what was happening and who the person was, her reaction damaged me. She told me she believed me, but that it must be kept a secret and that I could never tell anyone, especially daddy. She told me that if I were to tell Daddy, he would end up in jail and I could never see him again because he would kill the person. As a young child, I loved my daddy dearly and didn't want him taken away from me, so I buried the secret deep inside. I can't say for certain what my dad would've done. However, his nature was to be a protector. He once got into a fight at a bar and beat up a man for hitting a woman. Being a parent myself, if any person. Did to my child, what happened to me. I would kill them. So I think Mama was right. Mama told me she would make sure that I didn't go back to this person's house, especially for an overnight stay. It was still very hard to see this person at our home and at family functions, and the buried secret would fester over the years and cause a lot of harm to my inner self. Which in turn would lead to more traumas later in life. I did forgive this person when I was in my twenties, even though I never confronted them, I just let it go and asked God to have mercy on them. It helped in my healing process. It ended with the first person, but then. It happened again and worse this time because it was by my nephew Tony, who lived in the same house. He was in high school and I was in sixth grade. We were home alone. On this day. He was in the bathroom washing his hands, and he asked me to come. I went to him and he told me that he had something cool that he wanted to show me, and I asked what it was. And he was like, do you wanna see it? And of course I said, yes. He said it had to be a secret, and if I told anyone he would hurt me, I was hesitant. Since it was a secret, I was already holding a big secret. He told me it was something super cool and I was going to love it. I agreed to keep a secret and ask him to show me. He unzipped his pants and exposed himself to me. I swallowed hard and started to back away, but he grabbed me and said it was okay. He put my hand on his penis and put his hand over mine and showed me how to stroke him. When I tried to pull away, he held my hand in place. He told me that the surprise would happen if I kept stroking him and that I would really like the surprise. I tried to pull away once again, but once again couldn't, so I obeyed as I stroked. He became hard and my eyes widened in shock as I realized then that penises come in different sizes and his was very large. His breathing became erratic and my little hand and arm were getting tired, so I pulled away and told him my arm hurt. He snatched my arm back and said I couldn't stop because if I did, it would hurt him. He told me that he would help me and again, put his hand over mine, holding it tight and moved faster. I felt like he was gonna pull my arm out of the socket as he moved faster and suddenly white squirted from his penis. And he said, this was the surprise, isn't it cool? He let my hand go and I started to back away saying I didn't like it, but he grabbed me again and said I had to taste it, that it was like milk. I didn't want to, but he said he wouldn't let me go till I did. So I tasted it and immediately got sick. He let me go laughed and cleaned himself up. He told me not to tell and walked away. I have never spoken of this till now. I never told mama because I knew she would just tell me to keep the secret and nothing would change. I also wasn't sure if she would believe me since it was Tony. We moved to Tennessee at the end of my sixth grade year, and Tony stayed in Texas, so I never had to be alone with him again as a child, I never confronted him with the hurt and damage he caused me, and I resented him for that. Plus the terrorizing as a child and other mean things he did to me as an adult. Now. I release this hurt and darkness from my body, and even though he has now passed on, I offer my forgiveness and hope it can bring his spirit some peace to my inner child. I say, you did nothing wrong. You didn't deserve what happened to you, and I am sorry that you had to endure this trauma, but you were brave and strong and have overcome. My hope is for everyone to make memories for life through travel. So reach out and let me help you make your next travel memory. Tune in again to learn some more about me, hear more about each of my trips, and meet other people in my life as they share their travel experiences. Please don't forget to hit the like button. Subscribe and share. Leave a comment below to let me know your thoughts, what you want to hear more of, or tell me about your travel story. I might just read it on the podcast or invite you on as a guest. Until next time.